That's Not My Job

Kira

[Dramatic sigh] Okay, you know that moment when someone hands off a ridiculous task with that little smile—“You’re just so good at this”? That’s the sound of boundaries going… straight out the window. Welcome back to “You’re Still on Mute”—and today’s episode, “That’s Not My Job.” I’m Kira, your reformed HR martyr, and my left eye twitches just saying this title out loud.

Jasmine Carter

All right, y’all, let’s kick it off with the inbox. We have “Anonymous Receptionist”—she writes, “So, I fixed the printer once, right? Next thing I know, I’m the ‘Office IT Department.’ Password resets, Outlook crashes, setting up everyone’s iPads—I was hired to answer phones. Now I’m basically running a help desk.” Kira, you ever get those kinds of calls?

Kira

Oh, absolutely. It’s like—first you can get the snacks delivered for the meeting, then it’s suddenly, “Could you also just triage this emotional breakdown?” I mean, I once ended up mediating a screaming match in the parking lot, and I think my official title was, like, “People & Culture.”

Laura Simmons

You know, the minute you show up with even a crumb of competence, it’s over. That’s why—real talk—I brought cupcakes to one department meeting, and before I knew it, boom, unofficial event planner for the rest of the year. Suddenly I’m tracking RSVPs, picking up gluten-free pastries, decorating tables… Just because I got a good deal on sprinkles! I should’ve ordered everybody Domino’s pizza and called it a day.

Chris

Wait, wait, Laura—I literally feel like there’s a support group for this. “Hi, my name is Chris, and I once fixed a Wi-Fi issue and now I am apparently responsible for every cloud app outage west of the Mississippi.”

Jasmine Carter

You know what else goes with that? Check this one—Tom in Marketing. He goes, “I got promoted to office therapist. My HR manager started venting about their divorce—during a budget meeting. Nobody else blinked. Now I’m getting emails like, ‘Hey Tom, do you have a sec to chat? I’m struggling with life today.’” If HR is dumping their baggage on Marketing, HR’s on fire. That’s all I’m sayin’.

Kira

Mmm, workplace therapy and office tech support, all for the price of one salary. We see you, Tom.

Chris

That story is honestly giving me flashbacks. Therapy by budget spreadsheet? That’s a hard pass.

Kira

Let’s get dramatic here. Welcome to “Job Description vs Reality”—because, you know, the job ad says, “Must be organized, detail-oriented, and able to communicate effectively”… but three months later, I’m plunging a toilet and assembling IKEA furniture with a butter knife. Let’s read today’s gem—straight from a listener’s actual job posting…

Kira

[Extra drama] “Responsibilities: Manage recruitment lifecycle, foster inclusive office culture, coordinate wellness programs.” And then she writes in: “Actual duties: Whack-a-mole with clogged sinks, setting up IT for sales calls because IT was ‘busy,’ leading spontaneous birthday singalongs, and—did I mention—finding the missing office goldfish after hours?”

Chris

I love this—“other duties as assigned” has to be legally the shadiest phrase in any contract. We were gonna do a “Rage-o-meter” sound effect here, but honestly, my own blood pressure monitor would explode. So, picture this: case study time—a teacher, hired to teach sixth-grade English. Suddenly, she’s running the drama club, updating the school’s Instagram, and—this broke me—cleaning the cafeteria tables because “she knew how to tweet.” Like, somehow social media skills equal janitorial prowess?

Jasmine Carter

Chris, I don’t even know what to say—except, that’s the most teacher thing I’ve ever heard. I mean, my cousin started as “community liaison,” and now she’s editing the CEO’s Christmas video and organizing the Friday potluck sign-up. Her LinkedIn’s just a list of all the tasks nobody else would touch.

Kira

Here’s my favorite: When I was still in HR, one Monday—total chaos—I’m unclogging the toilet, writing up onboarding packets, and building two IKEA desks from scratch because Facilities “didn’t have me on their work order.” Velvet hammer in hand, I was ready to start flipping conference tables if one more person asked, “Could you just…?”

Laura Simmons

I have chills. Building on last episode—remember when we talked about the universe just assuming you can do it all if you’re even remotely competent? Same story. People confuse being helpful with being endlessly available. And, honestly, that’s the fast lane to burnout.

Chris

And nobody writes “amateur psychologist, lunchroom sweeper, part-time IT” in the job ad, but somehow, here we are, all carrying six invisible job titles and a plastic plunger. I mean really?

Jasmine Carter

All right, it’s time for our “Delegation Olympics” rapid-fire round. Got your medals ready? Here’s an entry from “Stressed on Floor 7”—“I mentioned my afternoon was clear, and my manager assigned me three ‘urgent’ new tasks plus a calendar invite for a mystery meeting called, ‘Come With Questions.’” That is dark, y’all.

Chris

Mystery meetings are the Hunger Games of corporate life. Volunteer as tribute, right? Here’s one—someone wrote, “I went to lunch and came back to a sticky note: ‘The microwave isn’t self-cleaning. We all know who did it.’” Not signed, obviously! So, a whole floor gets shamed via passive-aggressive Post-It. Classic.

Kira

Passive-aggressive notes are like office hieroglyphics. If you see one, you know something’s about to pop off. I once had to call a team “town hall” because the fridge started smelling like death. Nobody claimed the Tupperware—solidarity in denial.

Laura Simmons

Story of my life! The minute they know you’ll even touch a sponge, your next six months are just “Could you…?” But sometimes, y’all—sometimes you gotta say, “Nope. Not my job.”

Chris

Risky, Laura. There’s always that fear, right? Say “No” too many times, you’re “not a team player.” But if you don’t, you’ll end up the designated toilet unblocker, bake sale coordinator, and “peer wellness coach”—all at once. Like, where’s the line?

Jasmine Carter

This is why Laura’s got that mantra: “Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.” That’s gospel. I mean, if I got a dollar for every time I did something that wasn’t my job, I’d be on a beach somewhere with no Wi-Fi.

Kira

I think we can all agree—boundaries are not optional, and competence should never be a life sentence. So, for anyone listening who’s “just so good with people,” this is your sign: you can say no. You won’t combust, I promise.

Laura Simmons

We’ve all survived saying no, at least once or twice. And hey, if you have a story about surviving the Delegation Olympics, or you finally snapped and stuck a Post-It to the CEO’s door, our inbox is wide open. Send it in!

Chris

Nothing makes us happier than reading your tales of corporate nonsense, honestly. Bonus points if your horror story comes with a rage-emoji count.

Jasmine Carter

All right, y’all, that’s a wrap for “That’s Not My Job.” Kira, Laura, Chris—thanks for bringing the heat. We’ll be back next time with more stories, more laughs, and hopefully, fewer clogged toilets. Until then, keep those boundaries up and your snacks hidden. Bye!

Kira

Take care, everyone—and remember, you don’t owe anyone free office therapy. See you next time!

Laura Simmons

Bye, everyone! And don’t forget—just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Later!

Chris

Catch y’all on the next episode. And if anyone asks you to fix the printer—just run!